Visit #4…..

Well- I dont coddle or I dont beg. My boys are MY world. So to be a part of their life, regardless of WHO YOU ARE- you must tote a tight line.

As per Court documents- October 1 I should’ve received a confirmation stating that Bio Mom is attending the October 8 visit.

This DID not happen.

This means, as per our court documents that visit is Cancelled.

In the previous blog- i Copied and pasted Bio Moms and my convo-that she emailed me on social media. I reminded her what she is supposed to do, in order to have a visit. (because she failed to do it in April)-she told me she understood.

Here we are 5 days from visit and nothing in our PO BOX. So this means, sorry charlie. If you cannot put the boys first, i cannot help you either.

Here’s the whole section of visits and pictures:

So as far as the visits are concerned- she forfeited all visitation rights here on out.

 

-she has not sent 1 update of her in a year (she used to write “us” at least every other week)

-as far as pictures- we send them religiously (as court ordered) but we do return receip & we restrict it that ONLY she can pick the pictures up. We dont need just ANYONE with pictures of our boys.

So what to do now-do i feel bad? a little, but i have to look at it from the stance of, you didnt do what you were supposed to do. You didnt think to put the boys first even just ONCE. I am not a babysitter. I am not doing any favors. I am their Mother and I refuse to feel anything less.

 

I do not know how this will go over. I’m sure i’ll get another social media message, and i will then also tell her- 1) we’ve gone through this a few months ago and 2) you just forfeited the visits for life- because you didnt take it serious.

 

Ill be the bad guy. But i’ll be the one who NEVER forgets about my boys.

Visit #3-Cancelled

Visit “should’ve” taken place on April 9.

However, April 2-we still did not receive any communication from Bio Mom, stating that she would be attending the visit.

As per our court papers that we ALL SIGNED- she didnt follow the procedure.

We will FOLLOW the court papers and NOT enable her, and her bad behaviors.

Personally, I’d put the kids 100% first….and if she cant, then we will not be breaking the rules for her.

She contacted me via social media (which went to my other folder because we are NOT friends) She told me she was at the visit. Of course I received it many days later when i was on a desk top.

Communication as follows:

4/9, 12:29pm

BIO

Hey **** it’s **** I am at McDonald’s was wondering when will you be here for the visit

4/29, 11:20am

ME

**** in our court documents it states you have to send us a letter confirming the visit 1 week prior to visits. The last correspondence we received from u is an address change in February .

I just saw this message because it goes to a different folder and I don’t get notifications – I’m sorry.

4/29, 11:20am

(i scanned the following documentation-which is the court papers- I blacked it out for the blog for privacy)

4/29, 11:26am

BIO MOM

I sent the letter Out on the 1st of April my uncle actually went into the hospital. And the letter got returned to the address. Idk why it did or exactly what day it did. The address was correct. Is there anyway that maybe we can try and do a rescedule or something??

Or are we going to have to wait until the September visit

I meant October.

4/29, 11:29am

ME

Your next visit is September, upon receiving your correspondence.

4/29, 11:33am

BIO MOM

Okay.

Thank you

4/30, 8:50am

ME

I’m sorry **** it’s October . You were correct you get pictures in September – however it still depends on correspondence. I apologize.

4/30, 8:51am

BIO MOM

Yes I understand

 

Please keep that in mind- that she stated SHE UNDERSTOOD. I even spoon fed the fact of what she has to do for the visits.

 

 

It’s been a while update

I feel so overwhelmed, because I haven’t had time to sit down and do an update. The place where i feel the most comfortable in my skin…is through my writing.

I know that sometimes my stories can help others….as it’s done for me.

Well, it’s been a long time (almost a year) since my boys have been adopted. What has changed?

After the adoption took place….things got a little crazy. We had 3 other children in our home- 2 of which were there WAY longer then the boys. But, their dad was out of jail (prison) and they were getting visits every week. The other child (who used to live w/ my Mother -she was a foster parent as well) used to do visits w/ both his parents. My boys, they didnt.

It was a lot of confusion for them. Why they didnt go anywhere. So we’d do fun things during their visits. Mcdonalds, shopping, something to entertain their mind. After a while it got overwhelming. I came in to be a MOM. Nothing was even in the works for the other 3 kids and i couldn’t put my boys through anything else. They now needed the normal life they deserve.

January 2016, i gave up my 2 foster kids of many years (who i watched grow) to another family. There were race issues on the fathers end, harassment, the child was acting out- it started to get overwhelming for all of us. The house they went to was a co-worker of mine, who i know was going to take care of them. Also, I asked if they became adoptable would she adopt them- that was another tie breaker, she said of course. (*they are in the works of adoption*)

The other boy-went into a program (which i was told was going to be 1 month for behavior). By late February, there was no determined date for him to be released. He would come home for visits and such. He was so drugged and just made me ache for him. My boys didn’t understand why he kept leaving.

I finally at this point, decided we were surrendering our Foster Care License.

One hard decisions…………………………….but in the best interest for My health, My husbands health and our children.

April 2016 after we came back from Disney World-it was official, we were no longer Foster Parents.

I am a forever mom!!!!

Well after 11 years of knowing my husband & tons of fertility treatments its official….. My boys are ADOPTED!!!!

Best day of my life besides my wedding of course!

Loads of people came including  my best friends, some of my family and others,.

I’m a little disappointed in a few people and a few actions but whatever shows me actions or lack of!!!

Here we are!!!!

no more court w/ a side of adoption

Oh my word

I cannot do court anymore. Literally. Not to mention the negative feelings towards me. We came into this to be parents. I can’t have babies. I want to be a mom so desperately that I walked in and told them I wanted a baby. I never got a baby but when we got kids we knew if they were temporary or permanent.

This set that is court bound for weeks, they told me that they were temporary at first. That was okay because we already had 3 other temporary at that time. Well years past and they were going to be adoptable. By this time we r all the little one knows.

Well waited too long and he’s out of prison. He feels that he should just get them back. They tell me they don’t want to go. Who knows what’s going to happen.

We went to court and it was a struggle to change the visits from 2x a week to 1. The agency had not enough reasons and it was denied. But this was a BIG deal between him and his lawyer…..but funny today the kids got picked up and he cancelled.  They didn’t really care. But such a big deal.

Against his lawyers advice he told the judge that the kids need their family. Which family is important  why…oh why….didn’t ANY of them visit them in the last 2 years????? ridiculous!

Im pretty much fed up and am at my wits end…..these kids are suffering. I mean my oldest is so Confused my little one…..he just wants it to be over. Can’t blame him.

Holy sh** batman

contacted a set of kids I had for 9 months. Asked for a visit, parents told me no!

Heartbroken

it doesn’t matter if it’s a human or an animal, if u have something in your life for a time period -it becomes part of ur life.

If it leaves, dies, etc it makes such an impact .

Goes for fostering too. Today after having a hard moment I reached out to kids parents that we had to almost a year 2 Christmas’ ago..hoping to get a visit. 

Had 3 kids back a few years ago. We never talk to them, they moved to another state. Their mom still stays in contact. 

The 2 kids prior to my adopted boys have been with us 3 school years. They were 3 and 4 when they came to me. Their mother showed up 1x for court and then lost her rights.

Their dad was in prison. We kept in touch w him via letter until my daughter around Christmas time last year wrote him a letter saying that she wanted to stay w my husband and I. Since then it hasn’t been the best of relationship, but him being in prison made it easier on us. 

Needless to say, the agency never fulfilled their job when it came to the kids, tpr (termination parental rights) was just filed. Not like waiting until last minute.

Anyways he came home. I personally was scared. Hubby not so much. 

Working in my field, we see all of these people. For 2 days straight I was stuck in my office without coming out because he was present. 

First time we saw eye to eye was at court. No words exchanged. We agreed on supervised visits. Not excited about any of that…

First visit came, seemed as innocent as possible. Besides my children being so confused.

Over the weekend my husband ‘bumped’ into the father, who didn’t say a word…but tried to intimidate him. It didn’t work my husband stared back. If that happened to me I might have freaked, what if I had the kids??? Scared about what is?

Well the next visit took place. My little guy was worked up over it. He told me while going to the bathroom w dad (unsupervised) he reminded him that he was his dad and that he was going to be coming home w him. He also reminded him that their ‘mom’ (her name in which they call her by) is their mom …. He scared the bejesus out of my guy. For him to tell me.

I returned back to work (same agency as the foster care)  and I put into an email my concerns to the agency. Still no response. 

Tonight when I came home my daughter was acting strange. She then started to cry… First she said she was tired and then she started going into detail that she doesn’t want to see her dad as much. She then also said she doesn’t want me to cry when she leaves. I told her that may not happen but she was told she was leaving (which she wouldn’t tell me who told her that) …she’s the one who sticks up for her ‘family’ so this bothers me A lot . 

I’m so heartbroken for my kids because I have no control of the situation 😦 

In a way I want dad to get in trouble and go away….I saw him and bio mom walking the streets together… Now that’s bad business.

I just want them to be at ease and To feel safe..me too.

How would I feel?

Thank goodness for writing.

For social media- the only way I can check up on the littles that left.

When you’ve danced in my shoes, the little bit of love you receive whether in any shape or form (positive and negative) u sometimes can’t let go.

If you had met me at the age of 21 Children were the furthest thing from this boy-crazy-partying mind. I had danced with the devil a few times and was also pre-warned while having cancerous cells in my cervix that I would most likely never be a mom. 

To think then it meant nothing…until the most recent series of events.

All that was on my mind drinking, partying, dancing, friends…..-whatever that day brought.

When I met the last man I actually thought I loved prior to meeting my husband. The only thought was he had a kid and he doesn’t want more so who else better than me. That event in my life taught me a lot that made me who I am today. I can’t be mad, but glad I walked away alive, smarter and able to finally be humble.

When I met my husband being the older one I told him that there’s a possibility I will never be able to have babies. He told me we would travel that road together.

The bumps we have traveled, giving up our own places and selling everything and moving in with family to pay for treatments; the failed cycles one after another; feeling like I was not woman enough; which brought a lot of tension in a relationship. Everyone seemed to get pregnant, even new girlfriends of people who was close to me and had nothing in order. 

I started worrying about other people’s lives and their flaws instead of anything in mine.

Lost lots of people through the journey and after actually having kids in our home lost mostly everyone including most every friend and family member. 

When we walked into our first class I had a lot of demons and skeletons in my closet. Some I put on the table from day 1.

Also knowing why I came in. I failed in the fertility department, let’s get a newborn baby from foster care (which would help our community too) not to mention due to finances we were drained. To go to a private agency cost too much and from a personal issue most wouldn’t want to work with us.

Needless to say back ground checks, finger prints, home visits, they know more about me then I do.

Before our classes were done I chose 0-5 nothing older, any sex, religion, race. 

“We found a match” and brought pictures of 2 boys. 6mo boy and a 2yo boy.

We did everything and still didn’t get them.

No matter what we asked for, we took what we could get.

Promised a newborn but never seen it. 

I know how I feel, wonder how the kids feel.

When their parents can’t take care of them and they leave them with strangers. 

Even after they have been with foster parents/ and then adopted and still see their bio-parents. How can that feel?  

Saw on FB my first set of kids. We giggle together hubby and I- how they are so big. Remembering how they were with us.

Our 2nd set ‘respite’ we don’t see or had no relationship with. We just filled the space. They got adopted though which is great.

Our third set of kids really needed us the most. I heard they aren’t doing so well….and in another county. I feel for the kids.

Children aren’t asked to be born. Some people use them as leverage…/ money makers.

Saw this on a site- says it all.

 

I’m told…

how strong I am, but why does my heart still ache?

How I’m making a difference, but why doesn’t the people that need to see it stay blinded?

How I am their Mother, but how do i still feel uneasy thinking of any of the biological parents?

I’m too nice, but if I’m not I’ll lose everything I worked so hard for

The only thing I’m told and I know it’s true

  

A loss equals a loss (repeat)

when someone loses someone close to them that’s their ‘bottom’- no one could understand their pain they believe.

But what loss is different or more important then the next?

At a young age I lost my grandpa. To this day I recall some memories but not enough.

The loss I recall the clearest was when I miscarried and lost the baby we worked so hard to get pregnant with. I thought that was the end of my world.

Until I lost my father. & yes it was just my father but it left an empty piece in me that I feel will never heal. 

When I started treatments nothing could’ve gotten worse. Then i loss the baby …nothing could’ve gotten worse. Every treatment failed…nothing could’ve gotten worse. Losing my dad…nothing could’ve gotten worse..dealing with foster care there was a rainbow and hopefully a pot of gold at the other end. Until each time a child went home….we would almost get to be parents..then it would get worse.

Finally after my dog being put down and dealing with every parent possible I’m maxed out. We can only go up from here.